Singleness

I closed the book and sighed. I didn’t want to be single forever. And I didn’t want to prepare for it! My dreams were somewhere over the rainbow, just waiting to happen. They contained a prince, a wedding, and a happily ever after. Sounds like the perfect Disney movie, no? The author, of course, was dead on. Singleness truly is a gift. But I didn’t want to admit it! I felt much more comfortable reading books that told girls to prepare for marriage, to save their hearts for their future husbands. But acknowledging that I may not have that happily ever after? No. That was not for me.

 I picked that book up again a few months later, still with an unwilling heart. I didn’t finish it that time either. I didn’t want to admit that singleness for the rest of my life could be a good thing. After all, why would I want to live alone with no husband to love me? Why would I want to have an empty house with not children running about? The idea seemed better for others who were more content and had their minds anywhere but marriage.

A year later, I was babysitting and while the kids were occupied with other things, I decided to read. And as I read a completely different book on a completely different subject, it hit me: If I was single for the rest of my life, it would be o.k. I would have things to do. I thought about the single women I knew and realized that they fill their time with serving, ministry, spending time with younger girls, hanging out with their families, and so many other spectacular things. It just clicked. It wouldn’t be so bad after all.

I firmly believe that we are not married from birth for a reason. We need time to, most importantly, grow in the Lord, as well as to learn how to care for a home, husband, and family. It takes time to change habits that would run dear ole’ Hubby out the window!  I know I am certainly not ready, spiritually, mentally, physically (I am such a weak young lady! It’s hard to screw in a light bulb sometimes!), and practically. I have so much to learn! And even though we wouldn’t like to admit it, the majority of us young women are not ready to get married. Again and again I am astounded at the wisdom God had when He designed the time of singleness. It is not meant to waste away, wishing and hoping and sitting around doing nothing. It is a time of purpose.

During the time we are single, we have so many opportunities to serve in our families, in our homes in general, in our churches, in our community, and in the world itself. We are not “tied down” by having a family and home to care for (Although every young woman’s circumstance and family may be different, so this may not always be the case.) Therefore, we may have much more time to commit to various forms of ministry and learning. There is much we cannot do when we have children that we can do now. For instance, I want to go on a few short-term mission trips before I have kids, Lord willing. I know it’d be an amazing time of growth and serving. It’d be far more difficult to do when I have little pipsqueaks running around my messy house (And I say that affectionately!)

While this knowledge may not always be a comfort when we feel lonely, at least we can know that this time was created by God and for a purpose. We must remember that God is good, He is in control, He is sovereign, and He knows. He is working all things together for the good of those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28).

Only those lonely rainy–or not so rainy–nights, I like to read books or articles that talk about our life in Christ– growing and glorifying Him. Some great examples are Knowing God by J.I. Packer, Heaven by Randy Alcorn, and Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George. I also prefer to listen to music that glorifies Him. Songs like these can be found through Sovereign Grace Music (My favorite CD is Songs for the Cross Centered Life). Sometimes, calling up a friend just to talk or busying one’s self with family can help us to focus more on Christ and growing in Him.

{{Discussion}}

  • What do you to focus more on Christ in times of loneliness?
  • What “comforts” you?
  • What are you spending your single years doing? What are your plans and desires to fulfill, Lord willing, before marriage?
  • Do you have any thoughts you’d like to share with us on the subject?

 Love,

Bethany

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4 Responses to “Singleness”

  1. Captain Sensible Says:

    I think you should read Debbie Maken’s book: “Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the gift of singleness”.
    Please do.

  2. Sebena Koppaiah Says:

    When I first moved to Raleigh I was single 40 and thinking “Is this all there is???” A lady at my church asked me if I was married and I said, “No.” And she said, “Well you are mighty pretty and smart you must be a Princess Bubble.” I stared at her thinking what is she talking about and she said, “Princess Bubble-the fairy tale. You must be like the main character who has not found a prince but has a great life.” I thought, “Did I miss that story growing up? Is there really a fairy tale where the princess does not find a prince?” Turns out there is and the woman was right I am Princess Bubble and I think you are too. It is not a bad thing it is just a diffeent ending.

  3. Jaybird Says:

    Thank you so much for this article! I firmly believe that so many people get caught up looking towards the future that they neglect the beauty of their present state, a time of growing in grace and glorifying the Lord. I also love your advice about focusing on the Lord during those “lonely times.”

  4. Kedesh Says:

    Thank you for this article. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who struggles with this! I long for a husband and many children but know that the Lord wants me to be content in whatever state I am, even if it means eternal singleness! I am also very aware of the faults that need work in my own life…God is good. He teaches me.

    I read a brilliant book entitled, “Life in the Single Lane” which really encouraged me (I bought it from Genevieve Smith).

    God bless you,
    Kedesh

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